On to a lighter note

        So! I have officially, though it is yet to be seen, signed up for running a game on Saturday the 30th, at Pacificon Gaming Expo, or as I usually call it, Conquest. The game is not officially accepted, but hopefully, the great Grand Masters of Registration will see fit to accept my game proposal, and if people are interested enough, there will be a fairly good turn out, we shall see though. As of now the title is called "Druids of the Exiled" and it takes place, tentatively at 4 till 11. Though honestly this is my first go around running my own game, as PFS was already given to me and set up and all that jazz, so I guess, I've submitted it and here we go! As for me, I'm already becoming jittery and nervous just thinking about it, yes I may not be accepted, yes I may not have anyone show, but if it does happen and people show, oh man I'll be immensely nervous. I have GM'ed for you guys almost a decade now, and hopefully, while still anxiously, I await to see if I can hack it in the ring with random peeps, and hopefully some friends whom might show up ;3. Either way, next weekend, when Pacificon is happening, will prove to be a super fun and interesting time for me, here's to the future, may it be bright and full of dragons...that don't breathe fire upon me :D

As always

until next post, roll your D20

Ryan 

Invariably linearity is the GM's Bane, do not read this if you are easily bothered by a differing opinion than yours

        First off, I apologize for missing such a long gap of updates, it was not because I was negligent or forgot, quite literally, I just couldn't think of what to write. I think I have a small, hopefully, bit I think is worthy to note here. After which, I will refer people to this post, and here is what I expect the replies to be "But that doesn't explain (fill in games issue here), or it doesn't really cover (fill in other game issue here)." Please, by all means, I am all for a riveting and enlightening conversation, but one where I am routinely berated for all of my plot holes, or all of my failings, or all of my shortcomings, just saying the problem, does not help me, nor will it ever. It will certainly make me aware of it, though chances are I have already mulled over the fallacy of what I attempted 1,000,000,000,000 times, and each time it is just as daunting as when I first hit said roadblock, explain and discuss with me, there is such a thing as a calm and enjoyably "Argument" though that word will honestly probably be taken by wrong meanings.

        Now! On to what this all pertains to! It is clear that no matter what amount of outs, items, exits, hero points, luck rolls, percentile rolls, extra re rolls, realm bonuses, RP bonuses, allowing for subjectivity, arguing for an event that would blatantly not take affect or even be feasible (EVEN with magic), immensely powerful items, tomes of unending power, rings of unending power, constant artifacts of power for the party, extra npc's offering aid, critical decks, random bonuses from the GM, allowances and accepting of constant power altering events, god and goddess intervention, having gods and goddesses avatars intervene, mass amounts of gold, and a whole SLEW of more extra's to grant YOU the player, the pathfinder, the ultimate fate weaver of games, luck, changing of the game, molding the world and every single aspect into your preferred visage, there is still some strange attitude that I am against you, that I am suddenly unfair when I send almost impossible looking tasks before you. That literally with all that I give you, with all the posts and discussions I've had about death not being the end, or that I have given you so much to overwhelm your foes, when a small kink in a +10 mithril full plate armor is found, i.e. a challenge, suddenly the 'fun' is lost, and all becomes a dour situation stricken with vengeful arguments and constant rebuttals. It would appear (and is so quite honestly) this is something I have encountered in multiple scenarios, over multiple groups and people. I have GM'ed for close to 10 years now, I'm getting to that zenith point, and to the absolute befuddlement of my GM mind, this is a constant variable, something I feel trapped within. I even fear going so far as to post this, as I do not want to stymie the creative process of my players, nor hinder them, but then it would seem my complete open endedness isn't met with a blossoming story of extraordinary proportions, more often it is met with vitriol over any challenge that may seem "impossible" to the players eyes, regardless of the aforementioned list of help I ALWAYS give.

        So, what does this gripe fest have to do with players and the like? I feel that linearity, the want to drive a story, EVEN in a general sense, towards a greater and grander goal is...pointless to a degree, there are some groups that this may not apply too, but take this with a grain of salt or whatever spice you wish, but it seems I have to be EVEN more open ended and sway with the trade winds of a players whims. I could ask all those couple of people, [insert sarcastic chortle here], who read this to understand the constant advantages I give them in comparison to other games, but then something tells me they do not play other games, or if they do, they are not as open ended as they are with my games. In the end, I am slowly finding this to be more heartache and wearying of the heart and mind than what I feel is worth it, and my wish to be an ally to the player, a benefactor of fun games, challenging atmosphere and epic environment is beginning to wash away. Call me dramatic, call me overreacting, but this is who I am, and I am honestly more than happy to take it to different ends, to completely and 100%  allow for the players to control, and for me to just throw encounter after encounter, also this is my blog, so I am more than granted the privilege to rant or explain myself, should you not like this, by all means refrain from reading further, I implore you.

        I am sure you will feel like I am punishing you, like I am furious, that I have finally thrown in some proverbial towel (which to me, I don't believe for a second), take it as you like, I explain myself and attempt to assuage the sudden dour and plaintive arguments I hear about my encounters, and well here is my response. I am not punishing, I am not furious, I am just changing my GM style as it is proving to be less fun, and more intense than it need be. The players in the end mold the game more than many GM's wish to admit, and I will wholeheartedly admit that. So! If you find yourself not enjoying the game or feel it was impossible, stacked against you, unfair, not fun, soulless, humorless, you have small complaints that are actually large massive issues, then I will adapt and morph into a different game runner, and when that is unacceptable, truly, whom is the person causing this? Whom...
        I have made my attempts to cry out and explain death, my purpose, how I run, and if still it is not satisfactory, then perhaps someone else would like to carry the mantle of the GM, for it is borne with lead and mercury, the lead of said mantle weighing us GM's down until we are carrying the insurmountable weights of constantly trying to make it fun for all, and all the while the mercury poisoning our psyche until we no longer are creating, we are just granting players their dice rolling and monster bashing they want, while we silently watch on, wondering why in one hand many ask for epic story and humbling encounters, and in the other berate and decry the awful turn the game has taken. Well, either way, from all the groups I've had and do have, and there have been many, you shall get the games and encounters you want, as taking liberties with story and character, trying to enshroud character development alongside world development seems to not be a priority and even something that other scorn me for doing, fair enough, I have listened, and will happily, and I mean it with honest contentedness, mold and morph my GMing style so that it is fun and relaxing, and there need not be anything else.

        Sadly this was another long post, looks like I was cursed with such a inevitable attraction to attempt to explain myself away so that when inevitably it is brought up, I am not attacked or cause "drama" and I put that in quotes because I truly detest that word. But I know it will regardless, yet I see this blog as a haven for me to voice my concerns and my praises, and I will do just that, please, I await your "Concerns, drama, and rebuttals." I look forward to seeing where this will all lead to, whether it causes players to recede into a safe shell of silence, or cause others to fire back in  resentment, perhaps my hopes and content feeling towards this will be justified by the future and what it brings.       

As always,

Roll your D20, and roll it again... ;)

Ryan