I do not believe I'll add a picture to this one, it will be short and to the point, I am tired of 'Political Correct' rewriting and extrapolation on what I am saying, should you not understand, what can I say?
First off, I am sorry to Nikki for the brash way I acted after almost killing a trusted friend and ally in our game, I was laughing raucously while I was completely unaware of the emotional tax it was imposing, for that I am sorry and will take matters far more seriously in the future. Secondly I am going to post this one last time, (if you're thinking "I haven't heard this before" then clearly you have not been listening to me for the past 10 years) things are changing, as the background of this blog is evidence of, things are changing. I have lost friends, I have gained few friends in return, but far more impacting and loving then the ones I knew, I have moved out, I am attempting to cope with everything suddenly thrust on my shoulders, I am a hairs width away from smiling the signature Ryan smile and walking away from it all, as my attempts and rigorous movements in what I thought the right way continues to fail. Now if you're suddenly shocked as to how I believe things are failing, it is due partly to the fact that for so many games now I have been met with rancor, argumentative dispositions, vexatious attitudes, and honest malice towards my attempt at playing, running, and general life choices. As I write this I am reminded that life is full of adversarial challenges, that without the bad how could we possibly enjoy the good, but in the case of Pathfinder, it is meant to be an enjoyment for BOTH sides, I am now demanding that whenst I run that I enjoy it as well, I am going to sound selfish, but after 24 years of bending in each direction for all my friends, I believe I am warranted. Regardless of what I am met with, and how I am too continue on, Pathfinder was my solace in the storm, the eye of the hurricane that is this strange path we all take, for life is but a storm, one moment you may be enjoying clear skies and a calm sea, the next battered against the rocks. I believe I've done pretty damned well weathering that storm until recently, and only recently it's been more than challenging, though hope demands that I believe it will get better, and I do believe it will. As for Pathfinder while it is my solace laden ground, my serenity, there is also dramatic and intense scenarios, that just comes with the territory of being a writer and creative thinker, it is both a curse and a blessing to be creative (I can talk with anyone about why it is a curse, you need only arrange a time to hang out :] )and so with playing these ever evolving games, I am changing and morphing this world in such a way that will demand sacrifice, anxiety ridden feelings, excitement, entertainment, and more often than not, humor. This is no longer the game I run where it takes place on 3 small pieces of graph paper with 10 pages of binder paper with some summaries of the places filled out, this has become a Tolkien esque world, a George R.R. Martin structure, and a Rowling land of fantasy and mythic legends and enough history to make Chris Harman want to write a novel about "A peoples history of Entrathia". Now I am absolutely not saying this to sound arrogant or self involved, quite the contrary I am saying this to inform you and make sure it is an understood fact that the world of Entrathia is revolving around itself, not you. That you are an actor on the stage of life and that this land has breathing living individuals, you can choose to be part of it, drift through it, or watch from afar, the choice is yours and it will continue on regardless. Now this is not to say you do not matter, refer to my previous posts to see the impact you make, just understand its a world with immersion and beings with backstory, political agendas, religions, etc...
So what does this have to do with a reiteration, THINGS WILL DIE AND CHANGE. Let me make this clear COMPANIONS, PEOPLE, LOVED NPC'S, CIVILIZATIONS AND SO ON WILL FALL AND DIE. Death, which the people of Entrathia know by many names, Undelo, Kosenmori, and many others, has a very final and infinite existence. Death is everywhere, though some may choose to ignore it, some embrace it, and some understand it and accept it with quiet reverence, but it most certainly is there. You can attempt to stave off the inevitable, you can look for subversive ways around it, you can attempt to circumvent me at every single juncture without remorse, but one way or another things fall. Now this does not mean my world is some Gothic tragedy and that all is bleak and terrible, is that how this world, earth is? Some may say yes, but more often than not we see beauty in it, regardless of the constant threat. So, be aware of the more than true aspect that you may lose a companion, a friend may be slain by a dragon, that a civilization may crumble from being besieged, but life moves on, let the loss of companions and allies be a rallying call to you, let it bolster your resolve and move you farther into the lore of my world, let it take you on a wind bound flight through the whimsical fantasy that my world has to offer, be saddened yes, but do not harbor malcontent towards me, rather take this sorrowful event and make it yours, reinvent it to something that is now your oath to avenge or right the wrong. Do not feel anger or viciousness, damn it all I am giving you all the tools to turn a campaign into not just another romp through the dungeon, not just another save the princess tale and poem, I am giving you the tools and environment to have a real affect on those stories you read about in novels you love, I am giving you the option to change the world that you see in those series you wish you could put your character in and impact the antagonist or protagonist in what way you choose, I am giving you an open world with SO much within that players years from now, that see this and have wild wonder of the history of the world they play in, can enjoy the changes you have made and given to future gamers that experience my world and the history of. It will recur, it will come about in a way that some whom have played my previous games will go "OMG I remember that, wow, now it's in the history books, included in such a way that...wow" (Hopefully that's the usual response) I have opened the flood gates and hope that we enjoy the new flowing river that is this collaborative world, story, history, and legend together. Do not be angered by the deaths and sacrifices, if it feels beyond your control. Remember how many times I have granted you a luck roll, D20 roll, hero point, skill check, saving throw, all the monumentally massive amount of leeway I grant, remember and know that some times, out of the small microscopic times that inevitable death occurs, remember and know the purpose and impact it all has. With all these things, truly, am I railroading the game? Am I being a malicious fucker? Am I hapless and shameful? If you still believe so, if you believe I don't put the story and fun first, than I will hang up my soon to be got cloak of the GM, I will store my books away, I will enclose my map in a cartographers tube, and gladly bow out and allow someone else to take the reigns. For if all those second chances, attempts to help, granting hero points, giving luck rolls, allowing skill checks when not granted, letting a natural 20 change the tide of an almost impossible task, a role playing diplomacy or in character out, and overall hand of fate intervening allowance, still doesn't prove that I grant you more than any GM probably out there, then truly I am not equipped to GM, and I will, without any vehemence or harsh feelings otherwise, step down and have someone, if they choose to, take over in my stead.
So I hope this offers some insight, for the last time, that when any of those loveable NPC's, allies, or what have you die, that no matter how hard we think about it, there was no avenue out of it, that there was just not a rational or even magical rationale towards saving the person. That with ALL the boons I grant there just wasn't that one time where you had any amount of luck, hero points, or anything for that matter, and even when I try my damnest, and I almost always do, it just occurs, and death may happen as well.
This actually became far longer than I expected, I was hoping to make it sweet and to the point, but with alllllll this writ and text, maybe now it will become clear, maybe the light will don on and we can all return to the immense amount of joy we have when we play, and if someone is about to die, close to death, or does actually die, maybe now this LONG LONG LONG update will be remembered, and instead of arguing and attacking me and believing me to be unfair, perhaps just that one time out of literally hundreds of games and thousands of chances, it just didn't take. If after all this it still isn't clear, still is unreasonable and you believe I am vindictive or thoughtless, then as before I will quite literally without any sore feelings or fury will step down. But, I don't foresee that happening, hopefully until my eventual stepping down from life as it were, so I hope this helps to shed light on perhaps a hazy and slightly ambiguous topic.
OH! And please don't let this bully or maneuver you into being hyper-cautious or paranoid, this was only a friendly update and reminder, take it as you will!
As always my friends
Roll your D20, and your luck roll,
Ryan
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